Insincts
by Lolarosa
Summary: This is my way of explaining the under appreciated Jasper. PLEASE read and reviews are GREATLY appreciated. *edited 02/09 thank you stavanger1 the world's GREATEST BETA!
1. Saving Grace

Desperation drove me. The desperation to survive; yet there was also fear of that same survival. My history was a tragic one. I was born to a humble family and raised into a true southern gentleman. Eager to prove myself, I joined a noble cause. It was the fight for my country, a fight that I believed in. I was a natural leader, people believed in me. They willingly followed and trusted me. That would change; I would change. Once again I would join a fight, but this fight would not be one that I believed in. It would be an eternal fight for survival, one I had not chosen for myself.

I was changed by a very ambitious … vampire. Her name was Maria and she needed me. No, she needed my capability, capability to lead, to calm. She knew that I was different; she knew that I was strong. She needed my strength the most, but she was very pleased with my newborn ability as well. I was able to sense every one's emotions as if they were my own. From this I was also able to calm those who needed it. This helped her cause and I was once again a leader.

This relationship worked, for a time. She needed me and I needed her.

But things changed. Emotions truly did rule a person's life, but what could you do when you knew everyone else's emotions? How could you rationalize causing another's agonizing pain for your own survival? How were you supposed to distinguish between your own feelings and the feelings of those around you? How were you supposed to live, feeling nothing but fear, hate and anger? You wouldn't be able to, you would leave.

And that is exactly what I did. I ran from Maria, from society, but mostly, I ran from myself. But the burning always found me. The need for my own survival would take me back and make me kill. The thirst, the burning, the pain, the emptiness. This was destined to be my never-ending cycle. So I kept running, becoming a nomad, a monster.

I never stayed in one place long enough to arouse suspicion. Which is how I ended up here, wandering the streets of Philadelphia, looking for nothing but needing everything.

The sky was overcast and it was the middle of the day. This was not something that I typically did; daylight. There were just too many people, too many emotions, and too many reminders of what I was and why I was running. Though what I sensed now was not fear, simply curiosity. I could sense their questions; it was evident in their eyes. 'Who is he?' and 'Where did he come from?' As usual, there was also the lust, envy and anger. At this thought a particularly nervous-looking woman snatched her overly curious daughter from walking too close by me. A light breeze blew through her hair causing her scent to turn the burn into an inferno. My throat was on fire. Instinctively I crouched, a low hiss breaking through my teeth. Fear, overpowering fear caused me to straighten and swiftly move away before I did something I knew deep down I didn't want to do.

And then, by some miracle, rain started falling. And this was good, because no one liked the rain. So instead of breaking into a run, I stopped, closed my eyes, and let the water wash away the burn.

I waited for the emotions to clear as everyone sought shelter. As they faded I felt the curiosity, empathy and weariness the people around me were feeling. The looks told me that they were confused. 'Why is he just standing there in the cold rain?' They seemed to ask. But as much as I was enjoying the peace, I did not want to rouse too much suspicion. Suspicion caused conflict, conflict caused problems. So I sought shelter in a half-empty Diner.

As soon as I walked through the door the smell hit me like a brick wall.

Where is she? Why is she here? Who is she?

Instinctively my eyes scanned the room, searching every face for the vampire that I could smell. I wanted to run, but something compelled me to stay put. That's when I saw her; she was sitting on a high stool by the bar. She was smiling at me.

Her emotions confused me. She was happy, no… more like elated to see me. I was shocked, frozen in place by this new sensation. Unsure of what to do next I was almost relieved as this graceful creature approached me. She was petite and elegant with wild, short black hair. She reminded me of a pixie, dainty yet powerfully beautiful.

"You've kept me waiting a long time!" Her voice seemed to sing to me.

I felt obligated to be proper and slightly bowed my head in apology.

"Sorry ma'am."

She smiled, and I was caught off guard by the true happiness and love that I felt emanating from her. Those were emotions I had not felt in centuries. I just stood there staring.

Humor was up next.

"Jasper I know that you can speak," she giggled.

"My name is Alice and you are my soul mate. Take my hand, we have a long journey ahead of us and you have a lot to learn."

Without thinking, I took her hand and tucked it into the crook of my arm. Happiness, joy and hope crashed through me at a staggering rate. It was almost painful to feel these emotions, myself, again. Having them rebounding from Alice was crippling

We didn't speak much as we walked out of the city. She simply snuggled closer to my side and I obligingly put my arm around her shoulders, closing any remaining gap between us. Even our steps began to fall in unison, like two halves of a whole finally joined together. The happiness and love that washed over me still had me reeling in shock. I knew at that moment that I would never be able to lose my angel. After so many centuries of nothing except fear and rage, I had finally found hope and love. I had no idea where she was taking me but I would follow her to the ends of the earth. Just as that thought raced through my mind, she stopped and pulled me over to a fallen log. It was then that I noticed that we had left the city far behind and we were in the wilderness, alone. For the first time since we had met in the diner I felt her anxiety.

"What's the matter Darlin'?"

"Darlin'? It sounds even better in person." She giggled and smiled a smile so brilliant that I was sure my heart would start beating again right then and there.

"Jasper," I would never tire of hearing my name on her lips, "do you trust me?"

Her anxiety increased, how could I not trust the one person that gave me hope? Her happiness hit my like a lead brick, nearly knocking me off the log.

"Yes I trust you, you have given me what no one else has been able to in a VERY long time."

She wore my smile again and I vowed to do everything in my power to make her smile that smile every moment that we were together.

"I am going to let you in on a little secret of mine, I have visions." I let my confusion speak for me.

"Visions of the future, or choices might be a better description. Every being still has the option to choose their own fate; I just see the outcome of their decisions. Therefore my visions aren't always correct, just the outcome of such decisions. They are fuzzy until someone makes up their mind, which sometimes can be aggravating. That is why I was waiting for you. I saw us together and you are more beautiful in person than in my head. Though I should say that you are also a bit slower in person as well."

"Sorry ma'am, but if I knew that you were waiting for me I would have been there a lot sooner." I would have been there decades sooner if it was possible.

Once again she was anxious. She obviously had more to tell me.

"So Mrs. Foreseer, what are my choices then?"

"Well Mr. Empath, you can either come with me now to find our family or you can run from the truth. Of course, I will follow you and make you realize that I am right. We would still find our family, we would just be late, as usual."

"Family?" Instinctively my fingers began to trace one of the scars on my forearm. A scar I had received the last time that I belonged to a "family." I had many of these scars across nearly every part of my body. I could recall every battle where I received these scars. Every time I had to rip apart another vampire so that Marie could have more land. This was my only memory I had ever had of a family.

"Alice I can't… I—I cannot live that way again."

"Jasper I would NEVER let anyone do that to you ever again. You must trust me. You are not a monster. The Cullen's are different than others of our kind, they are better. Please just listen to me and decide then."

Her desperation nearly crushed me. It was hard for me to even think about living in a group again, but it was devastating for me think that I might actually be hurting Alice.

"OK, I'm listening."

"Thank you. The one thing that makes the Cullen's so different from all of the others is that they are vegetarians."

I nearly laughed at this. Vegetarians? How could a vampire go without blood? How could they beat the thirst? If my face had not given away my thoughts than I am sure that my confusion was evident. Suddenly a wide grin spread across her, face making her eyes sparkle. Between giggles she managed to say,

"They don't eat vegetables, silly. They only eat animals, not humans. They have found a way to subdue the thirst and resist the burn. They have found a way to survive without being monsters."

This wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting. I sat there staring, unable to control my emotions. I let my wonder, hope and fear engulf us. I had tried ignoring the burn, tried running from the monster within. But after decades of instant gratification the burn was still too intense for me to ignore. Was I strong enough now? Would I be able to control myself or would I destroy our new family?

"Jasper, I know you can do this, I have seen it. Yes, we will all have our moments but we will also have each other. None of us will ever abandon you nor would we ever use you. You are my other half, without you I am nothing."

It occurred to me then that she was already using the plural we; we love you, we will never leave you. She was very certain of this path, for the both of us.

"Right now I am sure of one thing; I will not live another second without you." I let her feel all of my love, passion and hope. Feeling the same emotions form her, I knew that she couldn't live with out me either. I would prove to her that I am not a monster and that her faith was not misplaced. I was going to prove to myself that I am worthy of her love.

"Where do we start our hunt darlin?"

"Alaska, they are on the move from Canada. There is a wolf problem near Barrow."


	2. READ

**A/N I know many of you hate A/N chapters, but this one is VERY near and DEAR to my heart. A very good friend and fellow FF writer has a chance to have her work published. I know that most of you are authors as well and can understand how important this is. Bellow is a description of her work. PLEASE take the time to go read and follow her on Textnovel, Manhunt is a WONDERFUL read and it gives us a moment to step out of Twilight. She is in second place and the contest ends today. Thank you again for your undying support. The next chapter of DS should be up within the next week. **

My Beta extraordinaire is ChangedByEdward and her fantastic Beta is LillieCullen, many of you may already know about her brilliant work here on FF with the "Lessons Trilogy". She is also working on an original piece called "Manhunt"

What follows is per Lillie, her official announcement of the original story!

Manhunt - An Original Romantic Suspense Novel by Lillie Cullen

.com/stories_list_?story_id=1521

Michael Brennan and Nikki Wright shared a bond created by love, loss, and hardship. Michael's life was finally taking a turn for the better while Nikki's was descending into darkness, until one fateful night changed everything. Just how much is Michael willing to give up for love? How far is he willing to run?

"Have you seen this man? His name is Michael Brennan and he has been identified by Federal authorities as a person of interest in the shooting death of Sebastian Cross and the disappearance of Nicole Wright. Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of Michael Brennan should call the Federal Crimestoppers Alert line at 888-555-1234. Coming up next on News at 11..."

This story has been on my mind for a long time. I even considered altering it and making it a Darkward fanfiction story at one point, but ultimately realized that it would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. These characters needed to stand on their own two feet. Eight chapters have been posted so far, and if I may be so humble, I believe it is my best work to date.

You need to create a login at textnovel to read it, it will lead you to where you need to go. The story's rating is determined by the number of votes (thumbs up button) and story alerts (cell phone button) the story receives, which means each reader can add two points to my rating! Going to my profile and clicking "Follow" will put me on author alert. The only downside to this site is the fact that it limits each chapter posting to 500 words, which means you'll be clicking the 'next' button - a lot. But from what I've been told...it's more than worth it. :) Can't wait to hear what you think of it!

Please help me get the word out about Manhunt. Tell your friends, put it on your blog and in your author's notes, Twitter it...you get the idea! Thank you so much for your support - I love you all!


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